THE HOBBY

THE HOBBY


i lOv
PaiNt
ting ting
noW
cAwS I haVE no idea…
whAt
or wHo
or wHen
and this ! delicious drip
ping ping
is begin
ning ning
to infirm my poetics
as well

THE HERBIVORE

I duz luv
to git ma ass
high!

THE TWENTY DWARVES

THE 20 DWARVES


I’m in my lounger,
one hand on the dipstick
and the other poised to push REC.
Nudity was promised.
I was thinking full frontal of Neuwirth.

I got her last week
in a skimpy one-piece from an old Frazier,
so I was eager to take the next step.
It turns out all we see
is one of Bening’s shoulders

naked for a blink
and lots of Beatty as “Bugsy”
repeating “20 dwarves took turns
doing handstands on the carpet,”
trying to improve himself.

T. HERBERT CANNABIS (aka Homegrown) for the HOUSE

As a steamed member of the Marijuana party
I too am running at the mouth for congress
Sexual of course
I have served on the joint committee
For all these wobbly years
And am currently seeking support
I have a reputation for attending faithfully to my own extramarital affairs
Snapshots of my miss handlings are available for a small contribution
These are my six illegitimate daughters
I can assure you they know how to work the stump
I can speak for the lowest common man
No creep left behind
I have a record of convictions
I know from personal experience how a Patriot Acts when plastered
And I have a plan to match my opponent’s blueprint for disaster
To provide comprehensive health care Lettuce
encourage our youth to grow their own
My campaign slogan is: “A chick and some pot in every trailer!”
I pledge allegiance to the fag
And will completely free speech before the end of my fucking first term
But nubile females will have to register their breasts with the bureau of legal intoxicants
As your pro-life candidate I promise to demonstrate in front of recruitment offices
carrying a sign that says: Stop the partial birth abortions of our fetuses in Iraq!
I’ll also work untiringly to stem selling political power to the highest bidder
I feel that the meetings of the sexually active should be closely monitored…er…
Just to determine their viability as an alternative energy source of course
I think the budget for Defense has become offensive
I promise to open the first extermination…er…recycling camp for holiday music in my district
Free condoms and rolling papers will be available to the wild oats farmers
College students will be allowed only three abstinences before they are flunked
& in order to subvert what I feel is a toxic atmosphere of pomposity and hypocrisy in govt.
I will establish an open zipper policy in my office

LET GO

I’ve been let go
I’ve been farted out the back door
of a cramped office
Something rank and foul
at the center of my life
gassing me full of paychecks
and sugary self-esteem
has given way
A strong smell of shit is in the air
Can Spring be far behind

I'M STRANGE

no pine tree in my house
no electric camels and sheep on my front lawn
don’t sing love songs to frozen precip.
not sending pictures of elves

to everyone I know
haven’t a clue what an elf is
a completely elfless sonofabitch
who is liable to drink eggnog in July

that’s me
I followed a star once
her name was Brigitte Bardot
it wasn’t wise

in case any of you revelers give a shit
I’m standing under some cobwebs
waiting to be kissed on the skin flute
and I keep both my chest nuts away from open fires

ON CLOUD THREE

Ravel’s one-armed piano concerto
is tickling the ivories of my spine,
while I digest a breakfast of baby shrimp
and diabolically turn H2O into urine.

Then, left hand ringing false as usual,
Dottie Goldbarth, whose dots have yet
to be connected, stops by. Zipping down,
exposing my dangerous chest locks,

I quip, “Still marred with two children
and a wealthy insignificant other, I see!”
and, voila, it’s air on the g-string
followed by music for royal fireworks.